Yesterday morning, I broke up with my gf :’( but I’m still in love with her. It hurts to keep waiting for her. We hardly talk, she stopped doing those small sweet things, and she hardly pays any attention to me, it’s like she lost interest in me so I got tired of waiting. She wants to start over so we’re back to being friends, but we still act like a couple in a way and I’m not sure if that’s really ok, yet I still want it. I still want her. We’ll see how our “friendship” progresses. Maybe into something more…again later on.
Now as of today, my family finally sold the house so we have about 30 days to look for a new place. Time for some serious house/apartment searching. Not looking forward to moving. I hate moving.
As for school, I think I’m barely passing my history class…maybe. My grade is on the line with that class. In spanish class, I’m passing with an A or at least a B. I did Ace all of my exams in that class. Now it all depends on the final exam next week. Time for some major studying.
I’m doing some side jobs just to earn extra cash. I NEED to finish paying this damn credit card. I hate stressing on it!
i feel so lonely, i miss my old crew. i miss game nights; my lively, active, restless days and nights. i miss my old friends and most of all i miss him… yes, him. i still cry when i think about the friends i have lost, the people that meant more to me than any one else, friends that became like family. i can’t believe how much i have lost in a short amount of time. i have no motivation, none whatsoever. not for work, school and especially for life itself. i hate this new life. i just wish i was already in the arms of the one i love so that my life wouldn’t look so grim.
i loved you… where did my life go?
I’m so sick ugh… I can’t breathe through my nose. I wish Daphne is here to take care of me. That would be nice.
Because of you, I cannot believe in my own girlfriend when she says she won’t hurt me.
Because of you, I cannot believe in “forever” at all.
Because of you, it’s hard to trust anyone.
Because of you, I hesistate to get close to the person I love.
Because of you, I truly finally hate someone for the 2nd time in my life.
She finally forgave me! ^.^ Well she knows about my sex life now but hey, at least I’m honest about. As long as I don’t go into detail. Being honest and being toooo honest with details are two different stories, she doesn’t want to hear that and I’m glad that she doesn’t. I’ll be patient ‘cause I believe she’s worth the wait. I love you babylove!
So jack has fleas and every 3 days, I’ve been giving him a bath. Every day, I’ve been walking him and training him some commands. It’s good for him. I’m trying to prove to my sister that I can take care of him so that he’ll stay with us. Unfortunately, she has her mind set for NO CATS. Kind of peeved with this, but I have no other choice. Dogs, however, she doesn’t mind much as long as they are well behaved.
I’m now down to 2 classes -.-” Not happy about that, but it’s been difficult. So I found out that in order to transfer into UCSD with my major, I need to take a bio or chem or phys class. wth?! This bites. Thus, I dropped my Astro class. No point having it any more.
Next semester, I plan to take off. I’m going to try to get a second job again. This time, a friend of mine is going to talk to his old manager into hiring me at petco :) I still need to finish paying off a couple credit cards; main focus: best buy. I must have that gone and it’s almost done. I do not want to worry about it any more than I have.
Next year, I can now apply for fasfa under independence. 24 baby! Maybe then I could get assistance and go full time without worrying too much about how to pay for it. geeeze.
I’ve bumped up the date that I plan to go see my baby. Next Feb. I know it’s pretty far ahead, but that’s better for me to start saving up. We’re going on our 5th month ^_^. Air-package sucks over there so I’m not ever sending her anything like that. 2 freaking months I swear!! Argh! I’d rather just wire her some money so she could buy her own gift. I wish you were here already…
I’ve decided to start a new life style…all the negative ppl out of my life.
Begging for forgiveness sucks ass! I guess I deserved it for being such a total bitch but I do miss her. Now I have to play the waiting game until she’s ready to talk to me again. Geeeeeze. I don’t get why I’m an ass to her when she’s always a sweetheart to me -.-” Honestly, it’s the physical part of me that longs for her presence. Loving and having someone, but not being able to touch them hurts like hell. Maybe that’s why I’m always a bitch to her…I’m afraid of getting hurt again and I know it’s not her fault and yet I take it out on her.
If only she was here, I would go out of my way to buy her a dozen roses and take her out to eat her favorite dish—tofu—which btw, I don’t like lol. She’s not a materialistic type of girl and it’s not about the money to her; it’s about the precious time together and that’s what I love. Then afterwards, maybe trick her into a scary movie so that there’s an excuse for me to hold her all night :P However, this day won’t come for a while, which also pisses me off but most of all, makes me sad.
I may play around with others, but it doesn’t compare to the moment I will spend my days and nights with her. I could already imagine those future precious moments.
I promise I’ll try a little harder to be patient, it’s just toooo hard eck >.<
Mahal kita <3
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